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Tonight was really tough. Had to help a victim of domestic violence. The dude was off the rails. I was probably the most calm while handling a DV case that I've ever been, even though I was incredibly triggered inside from my own trauma.
I'm mentally exhausted and it lasted an extra half hour past my time to clock off, but as a team we got her out of there and into a safer spot.
After all that emotional spinning, I came home and this was in my mail box.
I fucking love #Chewy.
Doing a lot of mental breaks and practicing my breathing. I'll make it through the day, but I slept like absolute garbage last night.
Had weird dreams, including one that I pulled a rotted bag of white rice out of a refrigerator.
That's really weird.
I dunno if I can handle the rest of today. I came home for lunch and heard what sounded like a dog choking/strangling/whimpering in my neighbor's apartment. I ran downstairs to the apartment Manager's office and she said she can't go in. She called animal control.
I can still hear the dog whining and barking in there, so at least it can breathe, but it sounds so horrendous.
I'm just mentally broken down. Someone fix me, please.
Whelp. I'm officially taking a mental health break from work next week.
Today I almost lost it. I didn't realize how much it was going to affect me until I got to work today.
Whelp. Guess I'm taking an earlier mental health break than expected. Something happened today that I didn't expect, but I probably should have expected, and it set off one of those fun PTSD survivor triggers that I'm usually so good at coping with.
I told my boss and she insisted that I take the rest of the day off.
Went home from work early tonight. I needed it. I need to take care of my mental health. Constant exposure to my traumas is not good. I saw myself having an extreme internally emotional reaction to something that was said to me and I had to go home.
Being vulnerable with someone is hard. When that person exposes you to their abuser and allows them to try and control you, that's even harder. It's better that I removed myself from the environment than have to be raw and on edge for the rest of the day.
Instead, I'm spending it more relaxed, watching Guardians Vol 1 & Vol 2 & The Holiday Special before we go to see Guardians 3 tomorrow.
I'm still in my head about last week at work.
I'm in a Zoom lecture and all I can do is continue to play out what happened at work.
I'm trying to stop the thoughts with "if you replay the past, you'll never be able to move into the future."
I don't know if that's helping.
Also doesn't help that it's my ex's birthday and I'm trying not to replay any of that right now because I'll just be sad.