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#goosebumps

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Last camp book in the original Goosebumps series!

This is definitely my favorite camp book in the Goosebumps series. It has everything: gaslighting, ghosts, attempted murder, snakes, and betrayal.

It was also scarier than a LOT of other Goosebumps books and it made me start thinking about JK Rowling.

The genius of (the morally questionable) Rowling was that her books graduated in difficulty, subject matter, and characterization as they went on. Kids who were eleven when the first Harry Potter book came out got to grow up WITH Harry and deal with more and more mature things right next to him as they had to deal with more mature things in their own lives.

It was brilliant.

And I’m not saying Stine is Rowling or anything (Stine is OBVIOUSLY better than Rowling even if he never read the story I sent him as a kid. At least he’s not a TERF. That I know of - please don’t correct me), but the books have been getting scarier and it would be WILD if the last one served as a bridge to the scarier and far more violent Fear Street books.

Imagine: A kid goes through a scarier than average Goosebumps story and the family moves in the end like Welcome to Dead
House only pull up to a new house in a new town and the kid gets out to survey the scene. It’s quiet and he realizes that there aren’t any birds singing. And it’s chilly even though it’s summer. And what does that street sign say?

“Fear Street? What kind of town names a street like that?”

And then nothing. That’s the end.

I think that would have been the coolest think Stine could have done but, alas, it didn’t work out like that. But we’ll talk about all that later.

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I’m calling it: this is my favorite Goosebumps book of all time.

I can say this with confidence since I’m reposting all of these from IG until I catch up to where I’m at now in my reading. I’ve read the rest. This is my favorite.

The story centers on a young writer banging out stories on a magic typewriter and I can tell you why I liked this so much:

1) I love typewriters. Always have. I have three now and need two more before I call my little collection complete (a Hermes 2000, perhaps with a German keyboard so I can keep practicing my Deutsch and an Olivetti because that’s what “Richard Bachman” used). The steady click clack sounds cool to me and when I’m writing, the tactile feels and loud sounds are inspiring. I want to hear more and to do that I have to write more.

2) I was absolutely that kid. Not with a typewriter - my parents hopped on the computer train pretty early - but writing. I wrote ALL the time. I still write. I’m working on a second-chance romance right now and it will be my fourth book. I don’t publish them - they’re just fun to write and I’ve been doing this since I was nine or so.

So this book could have done anything and I would have still been onboard with it. As it is, the magic typewriter makes everything the kid writes actually happen and hijinks definitely ensue. It’s a fun, fast-paced story and once it gets rolling, it gets pretty exciting.

Out of the whole series, this is the one I want a hard copy of the most.

Also, if you’re looking for an affordable, reliable, fairly indestructible typewriter, look for a mid-1950s Silent Super from Smith Corona. I’ve dragged mine around the world in my checked luggage (in its case) and it’s fine. Can’t recommend it enough.

If you’re more into apps, check out Hanx Writer for simulated typewriter typeface and sound goodness.

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When I originally read this, I was impressed that the kid could basically fall asleep on command. I’m pretty quick to fall asleep and my wife gets pretty jealous of it, but I can’t just zonk out when I’m super stressed about things - like I can only imagine this kid was.

And I really enjoyed the fever dream state of this book. Absolutely dreadful episode of the show, but the book was good.

Except for one thing: You know how in movies they sometimes try to be cute and slip in names as an homage to the movie-maker’s influences? Like how in Friday the 13th, Tommy was at Karloff’s Garage? Or how in Scream, Rose McGowan said “Wes Carpenter?”

And you know how it NEVER feels natural? These names are critical to the point where they seem almost unique to that individual. Are there other people named Wes? Sure! But in the context of horror movies, is there really any other Wes? Or a Karloff?

It takes me right out of the story.

It’s even harder in books because I can’t exactly read when my eyes are rolling in my head.

That said, Stine has avoided it almost entirely until this book. He fell HARD in this book.

Two characters. One named Bruce. One named Wayne. They’re always together so it’s “Bruce said,” “Wayne added.”

Ugh.

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I cannot put into words my dread at knowing I would need to eventually read this book. The cover and title are memorable and I remember thinking “ugh, so that’s Goosebumps now, eh?” as a kid.

I wasn’t stoked.

But then I read it and yeah, it’s just as dumb as you think it would be. A girl is slowly turning into a chicken after upsetting the neighborhood witch.

The only entertaining thing about it is that RL Stine has often been called a reader’s stepping stone (one place called him a training bra which is just hilarious) to Stephen King and I don’t think either party liked that. It’s very dismissive of Stine’s work and King had a character call Goosebumps dumb in “Fairy Tale.”

And THIS book is Stine actually taking a swing at being “inspired” by a King book and reworking it to be a Goosebumps book.

The King book? Thinner.

So does that make this fanfic? Or is there a better term? Perhaps a more nefarious term? Because as it stands right now it feels like parody more than anything else. If Mad Magazine took on Thinner, it would probably be this book.

So it’s entertaining to see Stine try to boil down a full-length novel about racism, classism, the justice system, and a failing marriage into a children’s book.

Obviously it’s not going to be a success but damn it, I enjoyed seeing him try.

When King’s Under the Dome came out, it really freaked me out. Not the story, but the fact that so many people lost their minds and followed a madman just because he had charisma. He was able to whip up a crowd and it led to horrible results that I could (now can) absolutely see happening. It freaked me out so badly I stopped reading King for a long time with the exception of Elevation.

Until I read this book and thought “Thinner was so much better than this. I should re-read that.”

So there are TWO good things about this book!

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I am forty-one. Okay? Fully grown, husband, father, about to wrap up his first career, and old enough to get freaked out and buy a red convertible.

A Miata. Cool car but Jesus, get used to buying batteries.

I say that because the next part sounds a little kooky:

I thought this one was a little spooky.

I don’t mean the actual story, but little details here and there. The cold is scary because you can’t go far from your threat. Snowmen are NOT scary, but I think ANYTHING where everything is pointed the same way or doing the same thing is SUPER creepy. When I drive (in my Miata) past a pasture with sheep and they’ve all got their heads down eating, I like HARD for one to lift their head.

I don’t know. Call it a quirk.

So these little details kinda creep me out. Cold, snow, uniform snowmen, a town of suspicious locals, all of this is creepy.

But then the last half of the book happens and we’re back to a silly book.

This is one of those books where a different author could take these bones and make a FAR different book. A far SCARIER book.

Actually, I think this book might have a practical purpose. You could give this to an aspiring horror writer and ask them to take the bones and make their own story. Every writer would take it somewhere new but these bones hold a lot of promise.

It’s a good start, a disappointing end, and a whole lot of promise.

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I read a thing in the internet that talked about hyper-fixation and neurodivergent people and, honestly, it sounded a lot like me. I’ve never been tested for it, but my oldest popped up out of the blue and said they think this might be a thing and sent me the information.

It was super interesting to me because I was raised being called “fickle,” and tough to buy presents for because nobody would know what I would be obsessed with come Christmas.

And make no mistake: I get obsessed with things.

I don’t think that Stine is in the same boat or anything, but I do think it’s entertaining to see him slide into something he obviously enjoys and work it out of his system through a few books. It’s like he accidentally stumbles onto something and goes “oh, YEAH!” and then builds the next few books around that thing until he gets bored or finds something new to focus on.

This is assuming he wrote them in the same order they were published.

You could see this start with Beast From the East (admittedly with a break for Say Cheese and Die Again) where Stine was really leaning into quick stories that focused on excitement rather than trying to build a creepy story.

This is just fun stuff.

Also, I realize it sounds like I’m throwing shade, but I’m not. While *I* am the type of guy that could easily look forward to a creepy monthly novella, I imagine that there are WAY more people who would appreciate the variety in this series. It’s almost a service to kids to remind them that there are more worlds out there that are fun to read than just horror.

Even if it is a little goofy.
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This one’s pretty simple: kids visiting their relatives wake up to discover that they are alone, locked inside the house, and there’s a monster.

The rest is them scrambling to survive.

Goosebumps is - brace yourself - a children’s series so if you go in as an adult expecting an adult’s breakneck thriller, you’ll be disappointed.

But if you try to remember yourself at 8 or 9 and read it through that lens, this is probably the fastest, most thrilling book in the series.

I mean, your options are so very, very few considering you’re locked inside a house and not, say, a theme park or on an island or something.

It was good. It was good and, just like the last one, doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the series which makes me suspicious if Stine actually wrote it. There were an awful lot of rumors circulating at this point and Scholastic even brought him to court on accusations of using ghost writers. Some writers have come forward and said that they wrote X many Goosebumps books but the NDAs forbid them to say WHICH ones, so we may never know.

I can’t wait for that NDA to expire, though. I want to see which of my top 11 Goosebumps books were actually written by Stine.

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Really missing the feeling of engaging with technology so it's giving you goose bumps from excitement, purely from witnessing positive creative feats/hacks — not from the way a horror movie gives you cold shivers...

Example: Listening to the Alien Breed theme for the very first time (and for hours!) on big speakers at a friend's house — making it the main event (rather than playing the game) and the feeling of taking a space walk outside the 8-bit chip tunes universe/aesthetics I was part of:
youtube.com/watch?v=BQgVwM3aEt

Or, watching some Amiga/PC demo scene productions with incredible visuals/music, created with incredible ingenuity and within often absurd limitations (both physical & artificial), dreaming about all the amazing techniques I'd like to experiment with myself and just being in sheer awe of the creative magic & skills involved in realizing some of these things. #Goosebumps!

Sure, these were formative moments during formative years, and I know it's not an unique sentiment/thought/insight, but I/we need to find ways to return to that spirit, not for nostalgia reasons, but for survival & health (mind & body, society etc.)

I also still think the demoscene specifically has never received its due credit for encouraging and actively _demo_nstrating how to do so much more with so much less... I see this as an ever more important skillset for the future. A lot of that has to do with aiming more at human-scale technology, i.e. tech which people can close to fully understand as basis for malleability, shaping/reshaping without sacrificing comprehension, and taking on board a lot of the good things we've learned (often the hard way) in the interim decades...

I get the feeling that the cover artist was given the briefest of descriptions for these books. Snowman of Pasadena didn’t have a rampaging beast and this book didn’t have an evil rabbit.

Or, at least not a traditionally evil rabbit. The rabbit is the protagonist’s little sister who was turned into a rabbit and the rest of the book is him trying to find a cure.

But I really liked this book for nostalgia’s sake. I used to be really into magic tricks. I watched every televised special, read every library book (and they get weird. One made sure to emphasize that magic tricks are just TRICKS and I am never EVER to say I’m a wizard, warlock, or witch, because those are real and real servants of Satan. What a weird book to be in an elementary school library), and hassled my folks to take me to magic shops.

I bought linking rings. I got a magic set for my birthday. I learned card tricks. There was this really easy trick that I would do for folks that would blow their minds (making a coin disappear from under a cloth in my hand) and nobody could figure out how I did it. Only a friend’s mom and I knew in our groups of friends and family.

I was never super good at magic or anything, though. My tricks were basic and all sorts of people say they don’t like magic. It fell away as I got older. I still like watching some specials, though there was something special about the 90s where the whole country would stop what they were doing to see if David Copperfield could really make the Statue of Liberty disappear.

Now, I think we’ve become too jaded as a society. Too many people who don’t want to feel had and unwilling to be awed by anything.

It’s a bummer.

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*sigh*

The two bright spots of this book are 1) I think it might be the best of all of the Living Dummy books and 2) this is the last time we’ll see Slappy in the original run of Goosebumps books.

That’s right, folks! We are winding down on this series. Will there be bright moments in the future, pure garbage? Lots of mid-level, “I’m kind of shocked I liked this as a kid,” books?

Yes, yes, and yes.

Just you wait.

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This was a decent one about a boy getting a shrunken head as a gift that turns out to be magic. It helps him in a jungle adventure to save his aunt, yadda yadda yadda.

But, I thought, despite how interesting shrunken heads are, how are they made?

Well, it starts with a cut along the back of the head. Then the flesh is stripped slowly and carefully from the skull and boiled for a half-hour (any more and you risk the hair falling out). Then the skin is turned inside out and excess fat trimmed away.

Then it’s turned right-way out again and filled with hot stones to burn the remaining fat and then with sand to fill the cracks.

Then it’s boiled again and the process repeated. A big emphasis is on keeping the facial features and head shape.

Eventually (sometimes 6 DAYS later), it’s about 1/4 the size of a normal skull.

Then, fearing retribution, the warrior sews the head’s eyes shut to prevent the victim’s spirit from seeing out. Then it’s mouth is sewn shut (usually with wooden pins and thread, not just thread) to prevent the victim from asking for his death to be avenged.

And there you have it: one shrunken head.

Makes a cool gift for a 12-year-old boy, right?

As for the story, I’m not generally keen on magic as a plot device because it’s often too convenient and lacks rules.

That’s about the length of it in this book, too. If Stine wrote Shazam, it would be this book.

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It’s fine.

It’s actually got a pretty decent story to it where a local haunted house, Hill House (not to be confused with THE Hill House), is constantly toured by two little pranksters. The tour guide tells the tale of how the house was built by a seaman who led this side there and, after he never came back, she ran away. Then his ghost appeared, roaming the halls with a light looking for her.

Pretty cool.

Then a boy accidentally finds where the ghost is hiding (ghosts just hide places. What did you think they did? DISAPPEAR?) and told him now HE can’t leave, rips the kid’s head off (not gory, he just REMOVES the head like a toy crash test dummy) and hides it.

Then the seaman leaves.

Which is hilarious.

Anyway, is the ghost of the kid roams the house.

A new kid tells them he’s seen the ghosts and convinces them to join him there at night where he confesses that he is the headless ghost. He’s been borrowing this head (as one does) and needs to return it, which is just good manners. But now he wants the boy prankster’s head!

The kids flee, stumble into hidden rooms or whatever and find the ACTUAL head. Then the ghost appears, reunited with the head, and fades away.

Weird that the headless ghost wasn’t just hiding somewhere.

Anyway, turns out this new kid is the tour guide’s nephew and they all leave.

Decent story.

But then Stine fucked it up because he just COULD NOT resist.

WEEKS go by and the kids take one last tour only to find cops waiting for them outside asking what they were doing. They said taking the tour.

“But it went out of business MONTHS ago. You must have been getting tours from ghosts!”

And, sure enough, the tour guide and his wife are in the window, ghosts.

Pretty sure those chunks of time need to be reversed to make any sense since other people were on these tours.

Or he could have just stopped when it made sense!

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Do you remember how the first Haunted Mask was basically about the power of love?

This isn’t that.

Oh man, but I thought it would be! It was lining itself up SO perfectly for it.

You one of the little bastards from the first book who, for punishment, has to coach a whole team of even smaller little bastards - you know, like what happens at EVERY elementary school, right? A child given the responsibility of being the sole coach to a group of even smaller children? Parents are TOTALLY down for this.

Anyway, he hates these kids and he wants to scare them so he goes to the same place the last girl got her mask (ignoring her warnings) and found this old man mask.

Where the first mask made the girl slowly turn mean, this one just makes him into an old man. Walking becomes a challenge, talking is harder, etc.

And then he sees his team of kids and goes to them.

Now, *I* thought that they would help this old man out while talking about how they give their coach a hard time but that’s only because they feel so comfortable and trust him so much - that they really look up and love him.

Nope. They fucked right off.

This kid goes through the expected agony and the love trick from the first one doesn’t work for him.

Bummer.

What DOES work is reuniting the mask with its matching suit.

Logic.

At which point the whole suit and mask come to life and boogies out of the building like a character of Thunderbirds (the puppet show).

I think it’s a really weak book BUT I actually think it might be the best sequel so far in the series.

…Yup. Pretty sure. What else was there? Slappy? Come on. Monster Blood? Ugh - hell no.

No, this is the best one so far.

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I won’t lie: I rolled my eyes at the cover, but this is actually one of the better ones in the series (which is nice since we’re so deep in it at this point). The premise is that the daughter of a ride designer and her best friend get to go on a tour of a new ride that focuses on the Shock Street horror movies.

And it goes horribly wrong (as you could guess).

There was a clever misdirect in the beginning where the daughter asks if they should take her mother on the ride as well and the dad says something like “excuse me, young lady?” Like she did something wrong.

“The mom must be dead,” I thought. Then everything after that was based around that until the best friend keeps harping on the fact that all these monsters must be robots because the girl’s dad is so great at making them. Then the friend pulled the girl out of a mud pit with strong arms and I thought “he’s a robot!”

“A robot that was made to be the girl’s best friend after her mom died!”

But I was wrong. Well. Partially wrong. Both kids were robots. The reason it was suspicious when she asked about her mom is that she didn’t have a mother.

I’ll admit it: I was fooled.

When you sit back and think about it, it IS weird that the trial run of the ride to see if it’s the right level of scary was done with two robot kids because… they’re robots. What real data are they going to give? Also, don’t robots famously not have emotions?

I also wonder why the robots were allowed to live lives that were at LEAST normal enough that they went to movie theaters and watched movies. Or were the memories false the whole time?

I 👏🏼 have 👏🏼 ques 👏🏼 tions. 👏🏼

Still. A good one for sure.

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I’m actually kind of curious about this because I always thought I was up to date on these as a kid but I distinctly remember reading this one WAY before Attack of the Mutant.

Oh well.

This cover actually scared me as a kid honestly, but I can’t remember finishing it.

And I feel like I definitely would have remembered finishing it because this is probably the dumbest entry so far.

It’s another body swap book where kids become dogs and then do… ugh. Just the most idiotic things in the world.

One of them is like “I have to tell my parents what happened but I can’t talk. Because I’m a dog.

“I know! I’LL WRITE THEM A LETTER.”

Bro, I don’t know how to break this to you, so I’ll do it as gently as possible:

You are a DOOOOOGGGGGG!

Sure enough he tries to grab a pen and uh-oh! No thumbs! That’ll throw a wrench in the ol’ letter-writing works!

But that’s this whole book. Dumb idea after dumb idea and when the end comes you hope whatever head injury Stine suffered while writing this has worn off and that maybe the next book will be better.

Also, as an adult I think what I was scared of with the cover were the eyes because the way too-small mouth never got me. That thing killing you would be a logical challenge - at least for long enough to make your escape.

NEXT!

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Oh man, I am GENUINELY excited to talk to you about this book because it is in my Top 5 Goosebumps books.

It’s spectacular in so many ways.

The story centers on a boy who’s had a rough life almost exclusively because of his little sister.

It should come as no shock to anyone that reads King, but he’s adept at making evil cartoon villains and there’s not a SHRED of humanity to this girl.

Ever since she was born, she’s been manipulating everyone into laughing at, disregarding, disliking, or even hurting her brother.

He turned twelve, had a party that went about as well as you would expect and then his dad brings home this antique cuckoo clock that can supposedly control time.

The little girl gets caught messing with it and gets lectured. This is the first time she has ever gotten in trouble so he wants to capitalize on it. He sneaks to it at midnight and, when the bird pops out, he twists the head backwards to frame her.

Then he goes to bed only to wake up the morning of his birthday.

And every day he gets younger and younger.

Talk about a ticking clock (ha): if he doesn’t find this clock and fix the bird’s head, he’s going to blink out of existence!

He goes all the way back to being a baby before he actually manages to fix everything.

EXCEPT that, in the process, he accidentally knocked off a year from the outside of the clock and the next wakes up to his 12th birthday party again.

Except everything goes right. And nothing of his is damaged.

He figures it out: his sister isn’t here. He accidentally scrubbed off the year she was born.

Now he needs to put that year back on the clock and go back in time to make sure everything goes like it’s supposed to.

AND THEN THINKS “NAH, SHE SUCKS.”

He, for all intents and purposes, killed his little sister.

In a GOOSEBUMPS book!

I love it!

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You know what’s fun? Seeing what RL Stine is excited about.

When he gets really into something, it will span a few books like he ALSO suffers from hyper-fixation. It comes, rises to a fever pitch, then goes away.

In this case, we’re talking about time travel.

And it’s a fine book. A little gaslight-ey and I absolutely HATE magic being used in stories because it oh so very rarely has any rules to it and acts more like plot convenience than anything else (and this book is not the exception).

The characters are a little strange.

I don’t know. This is one of those books that you read and you enjoy but then you’re talking about it to a bunch of attractive strangers on the internet and suddenly you start to doubt your own taste.

The characters were weird.

It’s got a lot of gaslighting.

Time travel.

Magic.



Oh well - I’n sure we’ve all been there, right? Inexplicably enjoying something?

Maybe it’s just that the last book sucked THAT bad that anything is an improvement. But I was also solidly locked in a hotel room with fever, fatigue, and a grateful staff that left me food outside my door when I called to tell them please don’t send up housekeeping because I don’t want them catching my Covid.

The lady at the desk said Covid’s been going on forever and I was the FIRST person to warn them. Tons of people had it and not a single one of those assholes cared about the health and wellbeing of the hotel staff.

Anyway, they left me a bunch of breakfast foods and fruits and I laid on the couch reading Goosebumps book after Goosebumps book.

Is this one of my favorites?

No.

But the NEXT one IS one of my favorites and I cant wait to go into it with you.

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